Moving on up .. moving on out ..

So, the time has come!  I’m detached .. totally .. to the point that I don’t listen to what he says and remember even less!

Mum and (2) of my sisters are pushing me to buy somewhere to live.  Mum is very late 70’s and needs to get rid of some funds – she’s already done it for Icklesis.  Is this so wrong?  So, I’ve started looking, and know where I want to buy somewhere, but unfortunately the larger of the flats I looked at on Friday has gone .. dilemma, do I go for the smaller one (just to get somewhere) or wait to see if any more of the one I want, come on the market?

Mum wants me to be safe and secure (as do the 2 sisters) .. what is wrong with that?  Mum (ok, so just include the 2 sisters in that) does not want me to “lose” the hard earned money her and my father made to someone outside the family .. she wants me to be financially secure.  APPARENTLY that means I am lieing to The Admirer! (jealousy??).  No, it’s family business .. and what happens in the family stays in the family .. knowwhatimean?

Anyway .. moving back to the detached thing .. I’ve HAD.ENOUGH!  Perps said to me back in the summer “just one question, are you still with that twat” .. the answer was yes, but the answer now is “NO” .. I’m living in his house, but not “with” him.

He shows me little or no affection (whereas in the beginning he was mister touchyfeely .. now .. nothing .. and go as far as you want with the imagination).  He then complains that I am being “odd” because I’m not touchyfeely with him .. On Monday I got the ironing board and iron out .. “what are you doing?  Sit down and relax” .. “er .. I’m doing the ironing, it won’t do itself!” .. tonight it was “could you wash this towel and put it on a radiator, I need it for tomorrow” .. me “ok” .. BUT.inwardly.WTF!

I took him to his golf club for a dinner this evening, with the intention of getting a take-away .. yeah .. take-away alcohol ..  Doddery old twats meant I crashed the car into a bollard .. no damage done (as how fast can you go doing a 3 point turn), but he sent me a message saying ..

 ”Sorry about car but looked ok. Big smile. Xxx and very jealous of chinese.”

I replied that the car was fine, but I wasn’t having chinese.  No question about me!  He complains that “I am quiet” .. yeah mate .. I’m quiet because I can’t be bothered to talk to you!

Also, I sent him a message earlier, which he never responded to .. (go back to the touchyfeely thing) .. and he wonders why I’m distant!

I went to a funeral today (see an earlier post).  It made me think.  It was very sad, and the family sang lots of songs (gospel type).  One of the sisters struggled over “swing low” (as Lilly had played rugby for England and Wasps) .. and slowly people joined in .. not sure if they were meant to or not, but they did .. and she managed the whole thing .. very sad, very poignant .. and I’m sure Lilly was having a sing-along too .. one of the funny things that came out (and made us all laugh) was that a week before she died she “broke out of the Hospice and went to an international rugby match and had a fag” .. funny but still sad!

This is a crap post, but I don’t care.  I’m lost again .. I’m sure I’ll find my way back, but I’m tired of being the one that is always at fault!  I want a bit of love for me!  HE says he shows me he loves me by the things he does (?????????) .. ahhh go fuck yourself mate!

In the good news stakes I have a horse to ride .. my riding hat (at stupid expensive) has arrived (because I have a stupidly small head .. no comments about no brain in there please) .. and I am pretty damned good at golf (HAAAA .. you’ve been doing it 30 odd years .. I’ve done it 4 times .. HAAA!)

xx

you don’t see one for ages ..

and then 3 come along at once .. *sorry, just had to do it “

ooh .. forgot

looking at properties .. although the one today reminded me of my mum’s “warden assisted” accommodation ….

Funerals are not funny ..

but I think the one I’m going to next week will be “different”.

I’m attaching links as I don’t really know what to say, other than, people move around, move abroad, move away, but despite not being in their daily thoughts, your thoughts are with them.  Lilly was lovely, always smiling, always a laugh, always including you … she was awesome.

This is Lilly .. and I then googled her and found this .. so totally her ..

I “loosely” played rugby for a few years courtesy of my best friend in the purple dress .. actually I was “super-sub” as I didn’t do pain (and still don’t) .. anyway I was once voted “woman” of the match (but like to ignore the “donut of the match I also got – although 2 fractured ankles might have contributed to that bit!) .  Women who tend to play rugby tend to be on the “butch” side. (ALTHOUGH TA’S WERE RENOUNED TO BE THE ONLY (at the time) STRAIGHT TEAM IN THE SOUTH OF ENGLAND!)

Anyway, in other news, I will update soon ..

As to my FB status update .. we used to do a dance to Abba’s Chikkititta (chicken tikka) .. which no doubt Lilly will either come in to .. or go out to .. which will cause dilemmas .. as it certainly was a must to “do the dance”.

On the other hand .. my “office mum’s” husband is “doing the funeral” .. so at least Lilly is in good hands.

Sad times as she’s about 2 months younger than me, but the cancer was really rare.  There but for the grace of God go I is all I can think of and makes any problems of mine totally insignificant!

Time out ..

Thanks Dan .. dinner was lovely! (and you shouldn’t have paid .. next one’s on me) … although henceforth you are known as Julie

The Admirer is in Cornwall at a Pro-am .. a  message sent to his chiropracter from him earlier this evening …

Ouch! Tough tough golf course. Back was good just need a good blonde and a massage now! Thanks again for your help. TA

Now .. I’m sorry, but I’ve not mentioned it before .. and being me, I don’t like to but .. condoms .. we don’t use them!  He has a stack .. there was 1 in his washbag ………. ?????

So I sent to my friend .. Julie (NOT Dan) .. no, actually, I sent it to TA .. accidentally (of course) ..

Thanxs 4 this evening hon. Now all i need to do is dial-a-shag! Lol. Cat

I got a rather terse ..

Not sure if you sent that on purpose or not. But check your sent messages. Thanks.

I replied back ..

Oops it was a joke .. Julie lives in ‘gay’ Sydney .. they do that there apparently! Xxx

Bollox .. I’ve had enough!  What’s ok for him to be free and easy with his sexist, derogatory remarks, is obviously not ok for me .. it’s ok for him to text that he is “bored silly” on a “free” holiday .. or that he “needs a good blonde” .. but it’s not ok for me to want tenderness, affection or (actually) anything else .. I’m there guys!