I’m just taking my car out …

This has just turned up at work!  It’s not mine sadly .. but I am going for a wee spin round the village in it shortly!

It’s official!

My mother is barking mad!

BMI finally replied to my letter of complaint .. with a £50 voucher for our next flight with them!  Oh well, better than nothing I suppose .. and we are hoping to go back to Mallorca in October .. so every little helps (I am not complaining about the BMI flights, just their customer service on the ground).

Anyway, back to my mother .. I had committed the cardinal sin of phoning her during Emmerdale to tell her the news and confirm the dates she wanted to go away (and was fully expecting a bollocking and shouts of “you’ve nae heart”) .. and she is jumping up and down want to tell me her news .. so I let her.

She had been down to Bournemouth for the weekend and after her telling me how she couldn’t decide whether to come back early or not and her reasons for coming back early .. she gets onto telling me about her journey back .. which she then proceeded to spend 10 minutes telling me about her decision whether or not to stop at the service station on the M27 .. but she decided to (at last!) .. anyway, in the lorry park was a McQueens of Oban removals van .. she’s from Oban .. so the mad woman .. (all 77 years and 3ft 4 inches of her .. slight exaggeration, but she is small (and old)) .. scaled the barrier into the lorry park and went to see the driver .. just to tell him she was from Oban and what a long way from home he was … it turns out he lives next door to my aunty!

How many other people would do that unless they were completely off their trolley?

Spotted today in Guildford!

Finger Watch!

My finger which “got broken” was not getting any better .. until last week .. it kept swelling and refusing to bend despite doing my exercises as prescribed by my kindly next door neighbour who installs artificial hips, elbows and other joints .. until .. I smacked a horse with the palm of my hand on Friday!

I knew I was going to do it, my brain told me not to do it, but this horse was being a right pain in the backside .. and.it.just.happened.  Fuck me it hurt and I felt sick, 1) with the pain; and 2) with why the fuck did I do that, I’ve made the situation with my finger worse!

Strangely though, since I did it .. the swelling has gone down (not enough to get the engagement ring on) and I have more movement in it!

How weird is that?  I won’t be testing the “hurting it again and it gets better” theory again with that hand any time soon – just in case!

Indicators!

Is is only my car which is fitted with indicators?  It’s only a little Peugeot 1.1 .. but it seems to have these lights which, when used, can tell people what I’m about to do!

I have just come down the A3 .. from door to door the journey is 10 miles .. during the 10 minute drive no fewer than 8 cars did manoeuvres that warranted indication .. without using their indicators!

The first few, I had sussed early enough, wanted to get onto the slip road down to the M25 but at the last moment possible .. and so I changed lanes, indicating as I did so, also checking my mirrors for cars about to hit me up the arse!  All of these cars sailed into the slip road .. causing others to hit the breaks .. without indicating.

The next car was practically on the slip road, when it decided it didn’t want to be going onto the M25 .. so just pulled out without accelerating .. NO FUCKING INDICATION WHATSOEVER ..  I had to do a fairly dodgy rescue of the situation to stop myself going up its arse as I was doing about 70 at the time.  The woman driving seemed oblivious of the whole thing .. but then she was blonde!

Then there was a smart car that did a sort of right-angled manoeuvre onto the main A3 .. but going at 30 mph .. it then proceeded to use its breaks for the next 200 yards as it had pulled out far too close to the car in front .. twat.  BUT he wanted to get off at the next junction anyway??????  I am pleased to say I took him out at the roundabout .. again he was too busy chatting to his girlfriend/sister/wife to realise that he was in charge of a potentially leathal weapon .. and that even if he was in control of his situation it didn’t necessary mean that the people around him were in control of theirs due to his actions!

Rant over.

Noticed I’m seriously fucked off?

Moral of the story .. USE YOUR FUCKING INDICATORS!