Out of Order!

Pig has an Arrogant Useless Mate (amongst the many of just plain useless ones).  I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before, I’ve searched through past mutterings and cannot find him.

Anyway, a brief history on A.U.M.

He was a Financial Adviser who got caught shagging his wife’s best mate, the wife then wanted a divorce (which she got) but to to lessen the amount he had to pay her he squirreled his money away and then declared himself bankrupt!  Nice guy!

Fact: I have never liked him.  Call it female intuition or something, I just never did, but Pig couldn’t see it.

A.U.M. has done little or nothing for the last few years, a bit of labouring here, a bit of painting there (all of it badly done and all of it needing to be done again).  Pig needed some help, and sort of employed A.U.M. on a daily basis as and when ..  Pig is a plumber (or should I say Plumbing and Heating Engineer) and taught A.U.M. various bits and pieces that he would need in helping him (he didn’t however teach him how to set fire to things with a blow torch, that A.U.M. managed to learn all on his own AND cause a fair bit of damage!)  So A.U.M. decides HE is going to become a plumber too so does a year’s college course .. he is now qualified, or so he thinks, to take on clients of his own.

At this juncture I might point out that Pig did his apprenticeship for 3 years, went to college and has been doing the job for over 20 years.  Nuff said.

Pig’s pipework is so perfect that it “should be in the Tate” as quoted from an American client followed closely by “aww maan” at each of his 6 bathrooms.  (I can’t speak an American accent, let alone type it) .. Pig’s waste pipes DON’T run uphill, things he installs don’t fall off the wall, taps don’t leak … A.U.M.’s do, but he thinks that is ok because he will then charge the “client” to go back and fix his original fuck up! (How that one works baffles both me and Pig!)

Anyway Pig has been doing this massive job in London for the last 3 months but has pulled off site because the client won’t pay him.  Although the job is practically finished, Pig left everything as it should be, i.e. SAFE, so someone else, who in the hope of getting paid (and I might add, knows what they are doing), might connect it all up, get it up and running and certified.

A.U.M. is on a chocolate tongue mission and is still going up to site and trying to finish the job (oooh I soooo hope he doesn’t get paid).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Pig’s friend Merls, who will certify everything that Pig has done, rang Pig last night to say that A.U.M. had asked him to go and certify what he had done!

1. That’s bang out of order, Merls only does this for Pig as they have worked together for the last 12 years.  Who does A.U.M. think he is?
2. A.U.M. knows nothing about gas and therefore Merls would be in deep shit to certify anything A.U.M. had done without supervision!
3. A.U.M. wouldn’t listen to Pig when he wanted to make shortcuts and Pig told him IT’S NOT SAFE TO DO THAT!  So god knows what state things are in.
4. The job could therefore, very well be dangerous.

What part of YOU AREN’T A PLUMBER, YOU ARE A FINANCIAL ADVISER do you think this bloke finds difficult??

On my list of 7 things I disapprove of one of them is “Arrogance” and the other is “A Little Knowledge is a Very Dangerous Thing” .. and when coupled with Arrogance .. the whole thing may well go bang!

On an aside Pig has been very good this week .. I’m suspicious!