Let me see …

So yesterday was a shit day and I had the prospect of a shit evening ahead doing DIY!  I’m not a particularly girly girl, but I am practical and if shown something I can usually do it until I get bored – I worked for a firm of Chartered Accountants for 6 years so I have a fairly high boredom threshold – but 2 hours of filling cracks and holes is more than enough for me!

The fact that I wasn’t able to pull the rawlplug from the wall with my bare hands and needed pliers apparently meant I needed to be criticised.  The fact that the ladder, which is crap was all over the place and I ended up with cramp from trying to stay on it also called for criticism – and Pig wonders why I don’t do anything?

I had done, at the end of my “shift”, a fraction of the work I had to do on his timeline of plastering a wall to a “glass” finish.  If anyone is a plasterer, you will know is a very difficult thing to do.  THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME A BAD PERSON!

He broke the house, he had the grand plans without consulting me, and he put any of my ideas down as not being good enough!  So maybe they weren’t all great or logical or practical but actually, some weren’t bad!

Anyway as I was up the wobbly ladder listening to my iPod – I got criticised again!  “This is the sort of time we should be talking” ! ! ! ?

In 10 years we have never had a “conversation” – why start now, it’s not going to change my feelings or what I want?

I do feel sorry for him, but I have to be strong for me, he has brought all of this on himself by his various actions (or non-action on the house).  I am not saying I haven’t been to blame too for the decline of our relationship, but I have been asking him to get on with the work for the last 2 years, and suddenly I say I want out – and he gets on and starts work!

I know that I have deserved more from life and from Pig for the last 10 years, and I’ve just been apathetic and let him take me for granted.  I suppose that is why yesterday was such a “meh” day .. I have one person trying desperately hard to get on a pedestal and impress me and another who has put me on one and no doubt I shall fall off it from a huge height!