Last night ..

was better at mum’s it didn’t feel quite so odd, although due to the mahoosive accident on the A3 yesterday I was holed up in the pub until 8.00 until the bulk of the traffic had gone away .. too much lime and soda for my liking!

This morning however I had a fight with the cat!

Whilst trying to make my bed he decided to help – or not as the case may be!  At one point he was under the duvet, then he was fighting with the throw.  THEN he got hold of my iPod and decided that it definitely needed chewing .. on the ear pieces .. he managed to get the black foamy bit off and then the chase was on!  I finally after 10 minutes managed to get it back off him, but I think I may need to get replacements!

More later, but ..

I did not enjoy the one night I have so far spent at my mum’s!

• Sister’s cat is a right royal noisy pain in the backside
• Mum has the TV up at full volume
• The window in my room is broken so it can’t be opened
• The heating is too high
• The bed is really uncomfortable
• The shower is crap

That’s enough to be going on with!

Sweet!

The bar manager is on holiday right now, so last night I was working with the landlord, who had to remain relatively sober and downstairs till close of play, rather than pouring himself upstairs at around 8 pm.  The landlord is a good guy with a huge heart, but he does love to beat up on his bar staff, especially those who have been there a while and can take it!  Staff that are too sensitive don’t last long!

He is a real East End bloke and he knows some very colourful people, he is also larger than life and likes to be the life and soul of the party.  It’s always been said that in LittlePub you can get a drink, a meal, your car serviced or a contract taken out on someone .. it’s very very true!  Last night he had a jokey pop at me about 10 minutes into the shift .. Me: “Hmm M, 7 till 7:10, do you think that could possibly be the world’s shortest shift?”

When I use the words  ”working with” what I really mean is I worked and the landlord didn’t!  It was quite busy last night early on, and I was managing to juggle serving at least three different sets of customers at one time and remembering to take their money (except for one, but he owned up to it), and sort the restaurant drinks and card payments out.  At the same time I was getting abuse from the landlord who added to my burden by buying everyone drinks and was telling me off for being slow!!!  He could easily have done the drinks himself!

His name for me is “Fucking Happy!” … generally because I am not a “smiley” sort of person!   However I got him good and proper one time as when I started work he said “uh oh, here comes Fucking Happy, better get her a drink and cheer her up” .. Me: “for your information M .. I’ve just been told my grandmother died, I think that’s a reason enough to be unhappy” .. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast after me as I shot out the pub in tears!

Anywho, last night as we I finished up and he I was locking up and trying to get the last stragglers out .. he called me to one side.

“Cat, I think you’ve done the right thing leaving Pig, I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. I am really pleased for you.  Well done!”

Fair made my night!

Cryptic?

May I just say a HUGE THANK YOU!

• to the one I speak to frequently on MSN; and
• the one who has offered me sanctuary and for the texts which always seem to appear at the right moment!

You make me feel far less alone in all this shit, especially when I am losing it big time!

Running Away???

To take a couple of days off and go somewhere .. is that running away?

I.think.not!  It’s called time off, holiday, vacation, time out!

I am in danger of cracking up and suffering from depression – who can really blame me?  I’ve spent the last few days on the verge of tears, in fact if the truth be known they are pouring down my face now!  Yes, I know that in my case I am just feeling sorry for myself, because I have done something I should have done a long time ago, and I should “snap out of it” .. but sometimes it’s hard.  I don’t want to got the medication route, but I know that it works for me ..

Let’s see what has changed …

• Left Pig
• Moved out
• Moved offices to a part of the building far away from the “girly” goings on and laughs
• Spent lonely evenings catching horses, picking out feet, changing rugs, feeding etc
• Pressure from the Admirer .. classic case today “please may I do some washing” .. “of course you can you don’t need to ask” .. “but it’s only polite to!” ??

In short I feel very lonely right now.

So shoot me because I’m bouncing from one emotion to another and am not the life and soul of the party!