Crazy Mixed Up Kid?!

I started this as “I escaped”, but it has gone off on a tangent and gets a bit mad in the middle .. forgive me .. (I never said I was right in the head!)

So .. I escaped ..

.. got 54 million (ok, slight exaggeration) text messages and several voicemail messages from Pig .. one of which was how did he put the washing machine on?  Er … put the powder and softener in and press the start button .. but DON’T!  My donkey (which I’ve had since I was 3 is in there .. he needs gentle treatment .. he is very old and I’m not actually sure he will survive the trip) .. so leave it!

I’m not feeling great about things, about where I am, the direction I am going in … a bit confused you might say .. I know what I need to do, I’m just having great difficulty doing it! (that may sound cryptic, but I’m really having “head is fucked” problems).

(here comes the mad bit)

I am being told that I am “hard” and “defensive” by one particular person – I have explained (or tried to) that this week is going to be very difficult for me .. on many levels.  Pig won’t remember (I have to remember all his shit), but on Thursday, two years ago my dad died.

Two years ago on Monday I saw my dad for the last time and we had an argument (about a sodding computer of all things) .. I left on good terms, making sure I told him I loved him, but I didn’t see him again until after it was all over (all of 30 minutes).. and I am having difficulty dealing with that!  I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, I had been every other day to see him and feed him his tea for nearly three weeks up till then, alternating with Icklesis.  It was Easter weekend, Number 1 Sis had come over from the US and she saw him, SisterIcan’tStand had been to see him .. was I not allowed a little time off?  The answer to that is yes, but the bugger upped and died on Easter Monday … there are other issues but I’m not going into them here, or right now .. I still can’t really face it!

(back to normal????)

This is the first full “day off” I’ve had for about 4 weeks where I don’t need to be anywhere or do anything!  I was supposed to be doing the “yard” from today but it appears that starts tomorrow, so I even managed to lie in .. the fact that I didn’t actually go to bed till 4.00 I’m ignoring (sorry Dom .. could have come!  (there would be a sad face smiley in there, but for some reason the computer is ignoring it!)

I am going shopping in a bit (something I loathe), but hopefully will meet up with a fellow blogger for some lunch (I may comment on his geekiness later - no cheeky smiley as I don’t think this post loves me!)  .. although I’ll probably be a bit light on the actual food bit.

Thanks for listening!

This post was brought to you by the letters H(ead) and F(ucked)!