Meme .. stolen from PJB …

Having a bad day, I went visiting .. and found this and stole it!

1. Can you remember without looking what your first post was about?
Probably about how I needed somewhere to talk about the shit that was my life .. that wasn’t written anywhere people I knew could find it .. about Pig and the low point that I’d reached in my life!

2. Where did you write it?
Work!

3. Which was the first blog you read?
Cannot be entirely certain, but found this one fairly early on .. by clicking on their blogroll I found others and it snowballed from there .. now I cannot keep up with Google Reader!

4. Who did/do you tell about your blog if anyone?
People know I have one, but no-one (except other bloggers) know who I am or what it’s called or about ..

5. Has your blog ever caused a scandal?
Not in the wide world, just in the personal one because some people think I’m closer to my “readers” than I am to them!!!  This is MY shit .. if you choose to read it .. that’s your look out!

6. Tell us something random which happened as a result of blogging?
I’ve met Dan and Dom .. or are they one and the same????  and Pig seriously had a go at Dan on the phone one night .. and Dan stepped up to the plate magnificently I might add .. I’ve had a random night out and (hopefully) will have a few more “meets” .. random people!  That’s cool!  Ooh and I had a “random” weekend with Dom .. which actually was fairly .. fantastic .. in the PLANTONIC sense of the word (before any of you smutty minded individuals pitch up!)

7. Snog, Marry or Avoid – pick another blogger for each.
I claim the 5th Amendment on this one .. but

• I’m already married to Dom (allegedly)
• Think Dan could probably do with a snog (joking Dan)
• Avoid .. the Nutter

8. What’s your most amusing blog memory?
Most of them to be quite honest .. I enjoy the banter .. and the thought and care behind the coments on the “sensitive” blogs.  There are several many many times I’ve laughed out loud at comments .. thanks Dom for an awful lot of “sending myself up” (but that’s not a slur on anyone else who has made me laugh – out loud – which is most of you)

Now in the words of PJB “Take the Blogging Nostalgia MeMe” …. go on!!

Now, wish me luck .. I’m moving

Help?

…..

Completion and Closure?

My best friend is helping me move .. in about an hour and a half …. I’m scared .. you name it, I’m scared! of it!

• I know I will have enough money in the bank to put down a good deposit and get my own place when house prices have sorted themselves out.
• I know I can live at mum’s rent free (although I also know I don’t want to do that)
• I know that even if The Admirer and I don’t work out, I’ll be ok – although his best friend says it will work – which gives me some sort of hope – because he has seen him for 16 years .. me only 10 …
• I know that I am independent AND an independent person but today is going to be a bad day .. on many levels!

It makes me sad though BUT TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE (ALMOST) REST OF MY LIFE (and I need to hold that thought)!

PS: on the cat front, I have changed his address, I have notified the bank that I shall be paying for him still, if Pig doesn’t take him for his jabs when I tell him to, he comes to me.  He will be de-flead and wormed before I leave (if I can catch the little effer! )

Sorry folks, my heart is breaking today because I am hurting so many people and know that I cannot go back (I know, I know) .. but I’m an emotional sort of person (or softy depending on how you want to look at it and hurting people is not on my list of things to do with my life) .. ok, so I need to toughen up because it is MY life and I only get one shot at it.

Anyway, I had a lovely day in Brighton yesterday …

The Green Eyed Monster #2 …

reared it’s ugly head again yesterday evening

Having just finished a very pleasant meal with some friends of The Admirer, I received a text.  I hoped that it was a reply to my earlier text to someone who had offered to help me move and provide a van, answering whether they could help me or not.  It wasn’t!

The message read:

CC: “do you fancy dinner one night?”

I burst out laughing, because to my mind it was the funniest thing ever, and I read it out … BAD MOVE!  I then got glared at!

Now if you went here, you would see that CC is really NOT my type.  He’s puny, short and dark and completely into CFC (BORING!!).  Both Pig and The Admirer are well over 6 feet in height and blonde – and anyway I didn’t want to go out with CC 14 years ago, so what would have changed in all that time – and The Admirer knows this and he knows CC and he knows my feelings about CC, which is that he’s a “friend”!

He sat and glowered at me all the way home in the car!  I explained all of the above, but he started giving me “you wouldn’t like it if someone sent me a text like that” .. well no, I wouldn’t I agreed, but how often do I get texts like that?  Oh and by the way is there anything I should know (as I know full well he sees an ex quite a lot and teaches her golf etc etc etc but that he doesn’t tell me!) .. but I let it go, because that’s the kind of person I am .. my reasoning is that he’s told me his feelings towards me and I believe him, so if he’s that “into” me, then this ex can’t be a threat

Anyway, he said he “wanted to go and knock CC off his stool” for sending me that text … *deep sigh* 

It’s sweet that he wants to protect me and look after me (he refuses to take money off me for living there – despite that I have reasoned with him that I am using his gas and electricity which is now uber expensive), but it is getting increasingly frustrating that he is wanting to control who I see or speak to and wants me to be at his place all the time .. example:  Icklesis is away, mum wants to go away for the weekend, I have been asked to cat sit which means staying at mum’s.  His reply to that was “bring the cat to mine” – errrr, it’s a cat, you can’t do that with cats!!  He’s already been on one extended leave of absence, I don’t need to lose him too!  (Also being at mum’s it will give me plenty of time to sort through the hastily packed boxes and also go through the ones that haven’t been opened in about 4 years and de-clutter … kills two birds with one stone).  I’ve told him he is more than welcome to come to mum’s too, but it’s up to him.

I don’t want to go out every night, get drunk and sleep around .. but I do want some form of my own life and friends of my own and I’ve tried explaining it to him but it doesn’t seem to sink in.

I am happy right now though and when things are good, they are very good, it’s just that little niggle at the back of my mind …

Just need to move my final bits out of the house this weekend!

Out of Sorts!

That’s me today!

• Partly it’s adrenaline hangover
• Partly it’s alcohol hangover
• Partly it’s “I think I’m actually still drunk”
• Partly it’s “I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to be or how or when or even why”
• Completion is now “definitely” set for Monday ..

I could do with having a month off (most of it unpaid) and I have broached the subject with personnel office mum .. she thinks it won’t go down well unless the Fat Controller is going away anywhere for a month any time soon – unfortunately he’s not booked anything so far, so when he does it will be December/January – and I DON’T WANT THE TIME OFF THEN, I WANT IT NOW!  Anyway, it’s either that or leave and I don’t want to do that, so surely a month off is less disruptive than me going (especially as they will never find anyone to work for the FC longer than 5 minutes), or not !!??

So on my list of things to do in the next little while, is “get the boss in a good mood” so I can bring up the subject .. mebbe I should talk to the other guys first and pave the way .. unfortunately though today my brain is not capable of stringing rational or logical sentences together!

(I do think that after a certain length of service anyway, staff should be entitled to some form of ”sabbatical” .. don’t you?)