And so ..

the reason for the tears yesterday morning??

I’m not entirely certain, but I think it’s the feeling that I’m doing loads of stuff (like washing and ironing and cleaning and PICKING HIM UP FROM PLACES) and I don’t seem to be getting a lot in return!

Example:  In the week we ended up with fish and chips .. now the kitchen isn’t huge!  He was dishing up dinner and taking up most of the space, so as he was doing that, I sorted washing into piles – “Your dinners’ ready” .. “no, it’s not” .. “why are you filling the washing machine when we are about to eat, I can do that? “” BUT YOU EFFING DON”T!” .. and he doesn’t!

Yesterday evening I was going to the “girls at work do” .. we do the lottery and having won about £80 over the year, and having no chance of a “paid for by the company bash”, thought we’d spend it on a meal out.  Unfortunately the meal was about a 30 minute drive away from anywhere I, (or anyone else for that matter) might be living (don’t ask!) so a taxi was really out of the question.

He didn’t even ask if I wanted a lift and picking up again .. he merely suggested that “you drop me at the pub on your way” !!!! WTF!  It wasn’t going to be a particulary pissed night, but it would have been nice to have a glass or two of wine!

So I was a good girl and did as I was told, but was told as I was driving him “you’re very quiet, what’s up?” .. now I know at that point I should have told him, but I thought “no, if you can’t work it out, I’m not telling you”, so my reply was “I’m concentrating on driving and trying to work out the best way to get to where I am going as there are about 4 possible routes .. *oh, and I’M ALREADY LATE BECAUSE OF YOU!*

Later .. I picked him up!  He was a bit pissed (not in a Pig sort of way, he doesn’t get like that – thank god) .. but he came out with the “I know something’s wrong, tell me what’s wrong, I just want you to be happy” line .. THEN .. he came out with “are you planning to tell me it’s over?”

I.WAS.SORELY.TEMPTED. (and know that I should have done, but I really want to get the suicide season out of the way).

It irks me that he wants me to tell him everything that is going on in my head – which I generally do, but he blatantly ignores and has not discussed in any way shape or form anything I’ve said, written or my counselling sessions.  But he doesn’t tell me what is going on in his head!

He met up with his sister last Sunday after almost a year of her fobbing him off, not coming to the door etc .. after the evening was over (guess who was driving again??) he said his sister hated him and blamed him for a lot of “childhood stuff” and had been in counselling for 2 years BECAUSE OF HIM .. but when I asked him the next day how it went, he said, “yeah, good although she turned a little funny later” ?????

Last night I asked him (it’s best to when one of you is sober and the other isn’t) and I got the same reply as the previous Sunday .. when he had been quite upset about her attitude towards him .. now why couldn’t he talk to me about that??

Anyway, on Monday he is going out with his junior Pro .. I am expected to drive them to spend the evening in “E”.  AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT??  I KNOW THAT HE’S CONTACTED/BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THE WOMAN OF THE OCTOBER FIASCO WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO DRINK THERE TOO!!!!!

*only 2 more weeks till New Year, only 2 more weeks till New Year*

My response to any requests for lifts will be “jog on”!