Potted blog ..

So, what’s been going on to get me in such a state (in more ways than one).

1. Mum sold family home of 33 years.  A good thing as she’s 78 and doesn’t need 4 bedrooms, 3 receptions and 3/4 of an acre of garden.  However, I didn’t realise how much security being able to “go home” gave me.  I lost it.
2. The Admirer had a series of niggles at me (generally after a couple of pints) and made several verbal attacks, whilst not particularly nasty (ok, how nasty do they have to be, but things were said), and were enough to set the warning signals flashing at me.  I lost it.
3. Every phonecall I’ve made to any of my siblings .. the question as been put to me “when are you moving your stuff into storage” (mum’s not out of the house until the end of July .. what’s the rush?)  I, certainly the way things have been do not wish to move bulky items to The Admirers, only to have to move them out again!
4. I will have no address, doctor etc etc etc

So, I did what I often do, and got myself into a state of complete, total and utter panic which did nothing for rational thought or reasonable conversations, because I was firing on panic fuelled adrenalin!

Anyway .. I put myself back on anti-depressents and am feeling much calmer already and able to think logically.

I backed away from The Admirer, as he accused me of being “clingy” and have been doing things my way, not asking for anything from him in the way of affection or cuddles (I’m one of those that needs lots ) .. nor have I given any affection or cuddles (he’s a taker not a giver!)

RESULT OF MY “BACKED OFFNESS” .. oh, he can’t do enough for me, demanding a cuddle from me before he left this morning.  Offering to take me with him tonight so that when he’s at the Chiropracters, I can go late night shopping .. asking if I want to walk round with him tomorrow when he plays golf ….

I’ve spoken to mum.  She will be in a position to help me in September.

CONCLUSION .. I’m feeling much much stronger and more positive than I have done in weeks .. !