Interesting point!

Waterproof mascara does not always do what it says on the box!

The proof of that is I am sitting at my desk looking like a panda because of an e:mail the Admirer sent me, which I am considering posting .. but may not!

I think today might be a bad one!

Weird!

I’ve already posted about the emotional side of things and meant to add this ..

last night at “home” was weird .. it didn’t feel like home and I didn’t want to be there with “him” it all felt alien.  Please don’t ask where I wanted to be, because I don’t know .. just not there .. and cat was being lovely to me .. he’s never lovely to me!

Totally screwed right now!

Shit.Fuck.Bollox! or just a mid-life crisis?

Pig has spoken to our financial advisor .. it can’t be done .. me or him buying the other out .. although I haven’t actually had words with mum about exactly how far she is prepared to go on the financial side of things .. just that on what we earn singly, we wouldn’t get the mortgage to cover things … and then there’s bills on top.  So we do the place up and sell it .. that’s fine by me .. BUT!

Then comes the emotional blackmail and questions (and please believe me .. some of these questions I am asking myself!)

• When did I start feeling like this?
•  Why is it happening now?
• What is going to happen to the cat? *it always comes back to him .. not that he’s not very cute and all, but??*
• He’d always seen us growing old together
• Is there anything he can do to change things?
• He still loves me and always has *he’s had a funny way of showing it*
• blah … blah … blah!

So last night and this morning, I’ve mainly been in tears!

Oh .. and is it a good thing to have lost 8lbs in 7 days?

It all went ..

OK (but he was sober) !!!!  I told him I wanted to buy him out, he said he would buy me out.  So I told him to go ahead and get it sorted .. and how much money I wanted!

He asked if we couldn’t try to save the relationship .. I told him, what was the point, we never went anywhere or did anything, what was going to change in reality? .. Things might improve for a few weeks but thereafter it would just drift back to where we are now so why prolong the agony?

He asked me if I was seeing anyone .. I answered him truthfully no, it was friends and family supporting me and making me realise exactly how unhappy I was and how long I had been unhappy for, he’s made me give up a hell of a lot, and now I want it all back.  He didn’t make me happy .. ergo!

I am sorry! I am sad that it’s finally over, but I stuck it out too long in the first place .. now we just have to sort out the technicalities.

Thank You!

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words .. all is currently ok .. WWIII didn’t break out last night, despite my thinking it would when I realised that he was definitely in the pub and would no doubt get home late and very drunk!

So it never happened .. he went out, got drunk and got home at 4.00 am.  There is only so much laying in bed waiting for the world to crash down on you that you can do, so I had got up at about 3.30 for a cigarette and a cup of tea waiting for him to come in and scream at me for having been AWOL for most of the weekend, he didn’t bring the subject up of where I had been and what I had been doing .. except he came in, sat down and starting talking to me about the jobs he was doing, money, who needed paying, what he owed me .. it sort of took the wind out of my sails – he also said he had been at his mum’s (which is not a thing he would do).  I don’t know whether he is ignoring it and hoping it will go away or what .. so the showdown must take place tonight. 

The good thing is though that my head is in a better place today and I am now starting to think logically and of ways to solve the problem, rather than running round in circles like a headless chicken as I have been!

That’s it for the moment!