The Green Eyed Monster #2 …

reared it’s ugly head again yesterday evening

Having just finished a very pleasant meal with some friends of The Admirer, I received a text.  I hoped that it was a reply to my earlier text to someone who had offered to help me move and provide a van, answering whether they could help me or not.  It wasn’t!

The message read:

CC: “do you fancy dinner one night?”

I burst out laughing, because to my mind it was the funniest thing ever, and I read it out … BAD MOVE!  I then got glared at!

Now if you went here, you would see that CC is really NOT my type.  He’s puny, short and dark and completely into CFC (BORING!!).  Both Pig and The Admirer are well over 6 feet in height and blonde – and anyway I didn’t want to go out with CC 14 years ago, so what would have changed in all that time – and The Admirer knows this and he knows CC and he knows my feelings about CC, which is that he’s a “friend”!

He sat and glowered at me all the way home in the car!  I explained all of the above, but he started giving me “you wouldn’t like it if someone sent me a text like that” .. well no, I wouldn’t I agreed, but how often do I get texts like that?  Oh and by the way is there anything I should know (as I know full well he sees an ex quite a lot and teaches her golf etc etc etc but that he doesn’t tell me!) .. but I let it go, because that’s the kind of person I am .. my reasoning is that he’s told me his feelings towards me and I believe him, so if he’s that “into” me, then this ex can’t be a threat

Anyway, he said he “wanted to go and knock CC off his stool” for sending me that text … *deep sigh* 

It’s sweet that he wants to protect me and look after me (he refuses to take money off me for living there – despite that I have reasoned with him that I am using his gas and electricity which is now uber expensive), but it is getting increasingly frustrating that he is wanting to control who I see or speak to and wants me to be at his place all the time .. example:  Icklesis is away, mum wants to go away for the weekend, I have been asked to cat sit which means staying at mum’s.  His reply to that was “bring the cat to mine” – errrr, it’s a cat, you can’t do that with cats!!  He’s already been on one extended leave of absence, I don’t need to lose him too!  (Also being at mum’s it will give me plenty of time to sort through the hastily packed boxes and also go through the ones that haven’t been opened in about 4 years and de-clutter … kills two birds with one stone).  I’ve told him he is more than welcome to come to mum’s too, but it’s up to him.

I don’t want to go out every night, get drunk and sleep around .. but I do want some form of my own life and friends of my own and I’ve tried explaining it to him but it doesn’t seem to sink in.

I am happy right now though and when things are good, they are very good, it’s just that little niggle at the back of my mind …

Just need to move my final bits out of the house this weekend!

Stop the world, I want ..

to get off.

My head is a bad bad place today and the FC had better watch out.  My fight or flight button is set to flight .. so at some point today I could get in my car and see how far up/or down the country I can get.

Pig said, on the phone before I left work last night, “we need to talk” .. so when I got home I asked him what it was he wanted to talk about?  His reply was that it could wait till later when he’d “calmed” down!??!

Later came, later went, nothing was said.  It nearly got into an argument when I asked him, again, what it was he wanted to talk about, and he said that I obviously had a guilty conscience to which I replied “no, I’m just being nosy as usual”.  I still don’t know,

The Admirer succeeded in pissing me off – again .. so today I don’t really know who, what or where I am!  But I do know I don’t want to be sitting at a desk trying to function “normally” (whatever that is).

Pet Peeve #6

The use of the word “ya” in either texts of e:mails .. as in “See Ya Later” or “Love Ya” .. it’s really starting to bug me and I don’t know what to do to get them to stop doing it … Ok, I do know, I have to tell them!

Laters

In a funny ..

place today .. I can’t even put it into words .. and I don’t even know why!

My throat ..

is really really sore (as in swallowed a packet of razorblades sore) .. it swelled up so much in the night last night that I couldn’t either breathe or swallow and it frightened me quite badly, which added to the problem as I stood gasping for breath in the kitchen trying to get some water down me.  It’s much better this morning, but I am constantly aware of it!

I know that this is an offshoot of me being stressed, not eating properly, drinking and smoking too much .. but it’s been 2 weeks now .. I’m starting to think there is something really really wrong!