Archive for August 14th, 2007|Daily archive page

Going Shopping!

 A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”

The young man answered “Eye, loads, I was a canny salesman back in Lemington.”

The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked “OK, so how many sales did you make today?”

The Geordie said “Just the one, Man”

The manager groaned and continued “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?

“£124,237.64” replied the Geordie.

The manager choked and exclaimed “£124,237.64, what the hell did you sell him?”

“Well, forst I selt him a smaal fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I selt him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was gannin’ fishing and he said doon at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat, so we went doon tiv the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him doon tiv the car sales and I selt him the 4 x 4 Suzuki”.

The manager, incredulous, said “You mean to tell me….a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4×4?”

“Ner, nah……he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said……… ‘Well, since ya weekend’s shot, you might as well gan fishing.


Having been superwoman yesterday lunchtime, I then continued in my quest for world (or household) domination!

I stopped and went shopping for food on my way home from work .. please note I have not stopped for a personal indulgence all day .. except to feed myself and have the odd fag (he didn’t like it .. but hey .. you’re a fag and you’re odd!)

So I get home .. Pig, when I phoned him from local large supermarket which wasn’t Waitrose (coz it’s too bloody expensive) said .. “I’m just leaving the Pub now” .. I got home, put the shopping away .. still no Pig .. now the Pub and supermarket are equidistant from the house so we should have arrived home together .. so I rang again .. “I’m just leaving the pub .. have you got the oven on?” .. ERM NO??!  I’ve shopped, cleaned, ironed and basically made his life a piece of cake .. I’ve not spent the afternoon in the pub which he does every day!

So I thought .. nice glass of vino and a cigarette .. so I put the telly on .. anything with a 5 in the channel we could get .. Pig then wonders why I’m pissed off (when he finally gets home)???

He also has the gall to shout at me because I have not put meat or cat milk out for the cat .. he only has biscuits!  I told him that when I cleaned up at lunchtime I threw them away .. and didn’t replace them.  4 hours on biscuits and water .. it’s a hard life .. he’s hardly going to die .. he doesn’t like the meat anyway (he prefers the fresh variety) .. but Pig insists that he has it!  TWAT!

Why is nothing in my house finished?  We have 3 bedrooms .. one we sleep in, one which is crammed full of crap and clothes and the other .. we haven’t used since we moved in 3 years ago!  It has bare walls, missing floorboards, wires sticking out of the wall.  Is this EVER going to get finished?

Downstairs we have .. don’t even go there .. but it’s even worse!

Get your fucking finger out Pig .. do one job at a time and finish it and don’t try and fix something that ain’t broke!

I will probably continue this rant later …