Archive for August 20th, 2007|Daily archive page

Never feed Pork Scratchings to ..

a dog .. and certainly never feed more than 2 bags (whatever the size) .. the smell is most definitely THE most overpoweringly disgusting smell on the planet .. and no-one thought to open the door and let the smell out .. even after the second fart .. that’s the bit that got me (until I said .. “open the fucking door before I die”)!

The stood around, laughing, blaming each other .. nearly suffocating me .. and let it waft!  Yuk!

Sounds suspiciously like Pig!

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.  When you notice this, try to show some understanding.

My name is Wayne, and let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Beverly.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Bev to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.  I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work.  Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.  I don’t yell at her.  Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the country club, so eating out again at night is not reasonable.  I’m ready for some home-cooking when I hit that door.  She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.  I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that the dishes won’t clean themselves.  I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining.  For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.  But, boys, we take ’em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.  I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days, that way she won’t have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean).  I like to think that this is one of my strong points.  When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.  She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.  I try not to make a scene.  I’m a fair man.  I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.   And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.  I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bev, and I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older, but, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.




Wayne died tragically on March 1st of a perforated rectum.  The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and with a sledge hammer lying nearby.

His wife Beverly was arrested and charged with murder.  The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defence was that Wayne somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.