Archive for October, 2007|Monthly archive page

Deep f**king joy!

Car pissing fluids from everywhere .. and no-one can do anything for 2 weeks!


I would really like one of these …


“Small and furry, Gupi is festooned with all sorts of electronic wizardry to make him a truly interactive virtual pet. He has sensors in his eyes, so he can shuffle about the house without bumping into things, and in his legs, so he won’t go and fall off steps or the table – and he’s so smart he can even find his way in and out of a maze!”Aside from being able to wander about without clonking himself, he has different moods and behaviours depending on how you treat him, and makes more than thirty different sounds (which we’re guessing is a great deal more than your average Guinea Pig). If you don’t play with him he becomes lonely and scared, and he’ll go off and hide in a dark place, but if you stroke him he’ll feel loved, and will be happy. Gupi can also hear you, and will react to voices and sounds, depending on his mood. When happy he’ll actually come running at you when you call him, but when he’s scared he can’t stand noise and will run away from it.

As well as being a moody and affectionate little furball, he also gets hungry, and you’ll need to feed him with his own special carrot. This is a charger that goes in his mouth and gives him a boost – he loves it! Each Gupi has its own unique identification codes, so when your Gupi meets other Gupis they will express excited behaviour and will learn gradually how to accept each other, how to share “food” (the magic Carrot), and how to play with each other – but without the drawback of real Guinea Pigs, they won’t breed like rabbits, or like Guinea Pigs.

Gupi is the ultimate kids’ pet – no litter, no little ‘accidents’, no sawdust scattered all over the place, and when you go away on holiday he won’t go and die on you (leaving you with the cringing task of explaining how life is temporary, we all move on, and let’s go and dig a hole in the back garden). At last, a pet that can withstand the rigours of child ownership.

So, if anyone has £39.95 to spend on me for Christmas .. that is what I want from IWOOT!

What do you say?

to a friend who phones you to find out your address, to send you a wedding invitation, that you know your other half won’t go to .. AND they don’t sound like they want to be there either!!

I’ve known Andy for years – he’s a really good bloke – well paid job, but appalling taste in women .. first there was Mad April (and she was M.A.D.!) .. then there was SallyAnne .. who was the spitting image of Mad April … this new one I’ve not met, it all seems a bit quick – she’s a nutritionalist/lifestyle guru type person who .. is stressed (doesn’t sound like she’s that good at her job!) – and Andy, well he sounded really down!

He’s a bit of a commitmentphobe (in the marriage stakes at least) and I wonder how much he has been pressured into getting married.

I’ll go, but I doubt Pig will!

Foxtrot Oscar

I am sick and effing tired of being “told off” for giving the Fat Controller the “wrong” telephone number.  I DON’T!

Your fingers are so effing fat you keep mis-dialling!


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