Archive for the ‘Just Plain Silly’ Category

A 2011 review and a shite start to 2012 …

things were going well .. obviously too well!

I am permanently knackered from working and I’ve managed to introvert myself.  Going out is a chore as when I have free time, all I want to do is sleep (am I depressed?  I think so!)  My appetite is shot again and as I leave for work at stupid’o’clock, I generally forget to get anything out of the freezer .. shock horror I have learned to bulk cook and freeze it, or eat the same stuff 2 to 3 nights running .. with slight variations I might add.  I get up in the dark, go to work in the dark, sit in an overbright corridor and rarely see the light of day.

Work was going brilliantly .. I was to start work “in theatre” with a Senior Sister mentoring me – she suggested it as she obviously realised I was batting well below my intelligence level and would be an asset rather than a hindrance.  Urology wasn’t my first choice of surgery to enter into the world of – but you’ve got to start somewhere – don’t worry, I wasn’t going to be operating on anyone, just doing the menial jobs and getting “in theatre” experience. .. then the producer shouted “CUT”!

Since the end of November I’ve been sent to the new “day unit”.  I.HATE.IT! (as do most of the staff that work there) .. and if I “pop out for a breath of fresh air” .. the staff from upstairs (who I love and have a laugh with) shout “run Forest run” .. is it a mad dash for freedom – YES!

Initially the job was for 4 weeks, but due to laziness on other peoples’ parts .. I appear to be stuck there.  (OK so it’s a 5 day a week job – 7.30 till 4.00 .. in reality it’s 06.45 until whenever – but I get paid by the hours that I work).  The “whenever” is because in order to start a day fairly calmly, everything needs to be in place paperworkwise at the end of play the day before .. the patient notes don’t tend to get to me till 3.30 – I tracked in 30 sets this afternoon – the tracking itself is easy, it’s the checking that all the notes are there that takes the time – otherwise I get in shit!

Because of where I sit (and I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with “because”) .. I appear to be “Information Services” too.  The world and his wife come to me to ask for directions … I am seriously thinking about becoming a trolley dolley as my hand gestures are that good .. except the one that I really want to do, is not allowed!  I have to smile sweetly and try to be “pink and fluffy” in a non-sickly way, when what I really want to do is tell them to eff off and leave me alone.

However the next person who asks me “have you seen?” is going to get pounded!  I sit in a corridor!  I cannot see what is happening in the main drag, my crystal ball and x-ray vision appear to have failed.  I don’t see patients coming down from main theatre or the wards, as if people have passes that get them through another entrance I.DON’T.SEE.THEM!  The patient bit is a pain as I have to transfer them from ward to ward (which is actually a quite a big thing when you think about it – did the patient have the op or not??) .. but no bugger tells me!  One medical student looked at me most oddly when I told him that the crystal ball and x-ray vision were on the list of things Maintenance were looking into as they appeared not to be working!  Don’t ask me stupid questions, unless you want a stupid answer!

More later ..

How old is too old???

Last night I went out with an old friend .. old as in I’ve known him a long time and old as in .. err well old!  I’m not entirely certain exactly how old, but he has two 30 year old daughters .. so .. old enough.

He opened the car door every time I got in (nice Jag btw) despite my protesting that it really wasn’t necessary .. and we ended up, eventually, at a local Loch Fyne restaurant where I had mussels .. I should have gone for the starter portion, as I only got half way down the bowl of the main course size .. but they were delicious and E was very sweet about everything and also paid for everything – even when i offered, he wouldn’t let me.  He told me that I needed to have a better taste in men!  (tell me something I don’t know!)

I had a very very enjoyable time (and managed to pull in one pub we went to .. lol)

E has suggested going to the theatre next week(ish) .. which is cool with me – I need to get out more!  So any blog-meets would be cool too ..

I kicked off somewhat at the Matron yesterday as he implied that I was living the life of Riley!  My response to him that living off £260 a month was not all it was cracked up to be, that I was having to save my “rent” money from my flat for 1) my rent and 2) moving back in and paying the bills for a few months in case I hadn’t got a job .. and also I needed to buy new clothes as most of mine are now hanging off me .. I got a mahoosive apology.. I doubt very much that it is going anywhere .. but it is still a distraction.

Rambling .. but hey this is my blog! lol

At least I am smiling and happy in myself ..

and so I went out ..

last night with my flasher!  We went to a local pub and had beer and food and we did not stop talking all evening, and I’ve not laughed so much in a very long time.

I did manage to slide over on the way home (note to self: “do not be nosey”) – he was very nice and helped me up and brushed me down .. not that I’d hurt myself .. but some other people wouldn’t have helped.

Back at his we had wine .. and chatted and chatted .. and eventually went to bed (separate rooms) at around mid-night.

He was a total gentleman throughout the whole evening and we both agreed that we had enjoyed it and were going to get together tonight, but both decided we’d had a little too much to drink yesterday and a quiet night apart was in order.

So what did we talk about – anything and everything – and we both agreed that neither of us was ready for anything “physical” right now .. he’s been on his own for about 6 months – me, as you know 6 weeks (ish).  I don’t know if there could be more to this relationship than just friends, but I think I told him more about me in 1 night than I told The Admirer in 2.5 years!  We’ve both agreed “friends” is good, “hugs” are good!

We’ve spoken on the phone this evening and will no doubt talk later.  He’s already said he would look into job vacancies where he works.  His claim to fame is that he is the only non-clinical matron in the country! (quite what that means .. I not too sure :s )

I’m fine.  I will be fine.  I am not rushing into anything.

I do feel much better!

However my physical side is not great.  The anti-biotics the doctor gave me a few weeks ago appear to have mucked up my stomach lining and I was being pretty sick on a daily basis .. (I don’t do sick) .. so another doctor gave me some “acid represent” pills which appeared to be working .. except I forgot Saturday’s as I was on the go from the start .. I paid the price heavily on Sunday as I was more ill than someone suffering from a life threatening illness!  I managed to get one of the tablets down .. and I think it stayed there and later in the day I felt better (with the aid of flat coke) .. and managed food .. and today I’ve felt better still – not great, but better – but it is wearing.  I missed the Prozac 2 days running .. and think that has had an effect on me today too.

I have blood tests and stuff tomorrow to see if there are other underlying problems – that is if they can find any blood amongst the alcohol ..

I have a “group” session set up for “dealing with depression” in January.  Feeling not 100% and a tad emotional it was a long phone – call I received from “Ben” – a call I really didn’t need today .. but they want to get me in asap and this is the quickest way.

Mentally, when I’m not tired of being physically sick, I’m ok.  I will get back out there and have applied for at least 3 jobs today .. I don’t miss the piece of shite (sorry about the language but it fits.)

I honestly cannot wait to get MY flat back, although living with LL is lovely, I have to get myself fit, get my jabs and go and look after the elephants .. I’ve got soo much to be positive .. I just need to keep focused.

(Kitten currently has his fluffy carrot in the hamster ball .. and is batting it round – it keeps him happy and at least it is not the hamster having a heart attack!)  He really does keep me amused and smiling!

Am I weird??

I had a weird, seriously, thing happen last night!

 Kitten was being a complete pain, wherever I lay there was a smelly damp squeaky toy under my nose – he’s got hundreds of them.  He was sitting (and stomping) and clawing on my head and licking the ear – it’s a kitten thing .. I hope!

So having not slept the previous night and felt like shit all day I shut him out of my room (cruel person that I am) for him to fend for himself.  About 3.46 (actually it was definitely 3.46) I woke up with that “oh bugger” feeling “stupid o’clock again”.  So I tried to get comfortable and tried this way and that .. but couldn’t, but as I lay on my front it felt like the kitten had just patted my head and sneezed at me! 

So I opened the bedroom door .. kitten is prostrate on 4th stair down waiting to kill me if I tried to pass .. so back to bed .. half hour later .. it felt like kitten had just walked over my feet and sat with his tail on my feet.

Cue previous procedure and kitten in same place!  Weird (or wired??) or not?

Anyway I mentioned it to LandLady today as we were mucking out, expecting her to laugh and say I really WAS a nutter, and her mouth dropped!  Apparently a friend stayed in my room BEFORE she got the kitten and had something very very similar happen .. slightly different but very similar!  So my room would (possibly) appear to be haunted by a cat!  These houses are, I suppose, about 15 years old, and I cannot for the life of me think what was here before .. scrubland I think .. anyway, it seems a friendly cat .. so it can stay .. I might even name it 😀

So I am off .. before the men in white coats turn up!