Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

A 2011 review and a shite start to 2012 …

things were going well .. obviously too well!

I am permanently knackered from working and I’ve managed to introvert myself.  Going out is a chore as when I have free time, all I want to do is sleep (am I depressed?  I think so!)  My appetite is shot again and as I leave for work at stupid’o’clock, I generally forget to get anything out of the freezer .. shock horror I have learned to bulk cook and freeze it, or eat the same stuff 2 to 3 nights running .. with slight variations I might add.  I get up in the dark, go to work in the dark, sit in an overbright corridor and rarely see the light of day.

Work was going brilliantly .. I was to start work “in theatre” with a Senior Sister mentoring me – she suggested it as she obviously realised I was batting well below my intelligence level and would be an asset rather than a hindrance.  Urology wasn’t my first choice of surgery to enter into the world of – but you’ve got to start somewhere – don’t worry, I wasn’t going to be operating on anyone, just doing the menial jobs and getting “in theatre” experience. .. then the producer shouted “CUT”!

Since the end of November I’ve been sent to the new “day unit”.  I.HATE.IT! (as do most of the staff that work there) .. and if I “pop out for a breath of fresh air” .. the staff from upstairs (who I love and have a laugh with) shout “run Forest run” .. is it a mad dash for freedom – YES!

Initially the job was for 4 weeks, but due to laziness on other peoples’ parts .. I appear to be stuck there.  (OK so it’s a 5 day a week job – 7.30 till 4.00 .. in reality it’s 06.45 until whenever – but I get paid by the hours that I work).  The “whenever” is because in order to start a day fairly calmly, everything needs to be in place paperworkwise at the end of play the day before .. the patient notes don’t tend to get to me till 3.30 – I tracked in 30 sets this afternoon – the tracking itself is easy, it’s the checking that all the notes are there that takes the time – otherwise I get in shit!

Because of where I sit (and I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with “because”) .. I appear to be “Information Services” too.  The world and his wife come to me to ask for directions … I am seriously thinking about becoming a trolley dolley as my hand gestures are that good .. except the one that I really want to do, is not allowed!  I have to smile sweetly and try to be “pink and fluffy” in a non-sickly way, when what I really want to do is tell them to eff off and leave me alone.

However the next person who asks me “have you seen?” is going to get pounded!  I sit in a corridor!  I cannot see what is happening in the main drag, my crystal ball and x-ray vision appear to have failed.  I don’t see patients coming down from main theatre or the wards, as if people have passes that get them through another entrance I.DON’T.SEE.THEM!  The patient bit is a pain as I have to transfer them from ward to ward (which is actually a quite a big thing when you think about it – did the patient have the op or not??) .. but no bugger tells me!  One medical student looked at me most oddly when I told him that the crystal ball and x-ray vision were on the list of things Maintenance were looking into as they appeared not to be working!  Don’t ask me stupid questions, unless you want a stupid answer!

More later ..

Hmmm! Update

and yes, I know you all think he’s a wanker .. but .. (and this isn’t any defence of him before you decide not to read on ..)

He sent a text around 10.30am today saying ..

Hope hospital goes ok.  Will take a new pic and send later.  Have a good day and speak later. Xxx

So, having been to the hospital at 9.00 am as I’d told him I was!!!  I text back around 12.00 ..

Hospital ok.  Please don’t bother with a photo for me.  Have a good one xx

(actually hospital are really really pleased and things are going very very well now .. but just have to wait for Consultant appointment tomorrow night)  One is 99.99% healed .. the other getting there!  Whoopee .. dance around the room with joyousness (although not too violently still!)

I know that he had taken 2 different photos yesterday and sent them to different people .. one of whom was blogged about earlier (the other his mum).  Hopefully he might twig!

So, I digress, having gone to see a friend’s friend who has been given the NHS ok to have a boob job and discussed the pros and cons, shown boobs to etc, I popped to drop of some cigarettes to my friend who works in the pub.  Other friend (part of Couple 2) was there, having deposited the ones she’d bought because I’d run out of money and friend wanted 400.  She left and went back to work and the words .. “Couple 2 said you (as in me) had a really good time and were laughing and really enjoying yourself .. up until you had to get on the plane home!”

.. speaks volumes really doesn’t it??

Potted blog ..

So, what’s been going on to get me in such a state (in more ways than one).

  1. Mum sold family home of 33 years.  A good thing as she’s 78 and doesn’t need 4 bedrooms, 3 receptions and 3/4 of an acre of garden.  However, I didn’t realise how much security being able to “go home” gave me.  I lost it.
  2. The Admirer had a series of niggles at me (generally after a couple of pints) and made several verbal attacks, whilst not particularly nasty (ok, how nasty do they have to be, but things were said), and were enough to set the warning signals flashing at me.  I lost it.
  3. Every phonecall I’ve made to any of my siblings .. the question as been put to me “when are you moving your stuff into storage” (mum’s not out of the house until the end of July .. what’s the rush?)  I, certainly the way things have been do not wish to move bulky items to The Admirers, only to have to move them out again!
  4. I will have no address, doctor etc etc etc

So, I did what I often do, and got myself into a state of complete, total and utter panic which did nothing for rational thought or reasonable conversations, because I was firing on panic fuelled adrenalin!

Anyway .. I put myself back on anti-depressents and am feeling much calmer already and able to think logically.

I backed away from The Admirer, as he accused me of being “clingy” and have been doing things my way, not asking for anything from him in the way of affection or cuddles (I’m one of those that needs lots 😀 ) .. nor have I given any affection or cuddles (he’s a taker not a giver!)

RESULT OF MY “BACKED OFFNESS” .. oh, he can’t do enough for me, demanding a cuddle from me before he left this morning.  Offering to take me with him tonight so that when he’s at the Chiropracters, I can go late night shopping .. asking if I want to walk round with him tomorrow when he plays golf ….

I’ve spoken to mum.  She will be in a position to help me in September.

CONCLUSION .. I’m feeling much much stronger and more positive than I have done in weeks .. !

Something very odd!

Ok, so today is my birthday .. but there are some things very odd about this one .. and it’s nothing to do with getting older (or possibly it is).

Pig never bothered with mine – although I had to bother with his – but this year, everyone seems to be pulling out the stops .. which is lovely .. but I am finding it a little strange – do they think I’m going to go postal?  I think it’s because most of them are happy for me.

  • Mum forgot! 😦 which makes me more worried that she’s losing the plot – her wedding anniversary is on the 9th and she remembered that .. which is always the marker for my birthday) but then again she said she’d transfer some money to me today which hopefully will pay for my laptop (which no doubt will be delivered to work today when I am not there! 😦   – although they will text me if it does)
  • One of my sisters sent me a “happy birthday to you (full words text)” .. BUT she has never done this before! (and invited me for lunch on Sunday .. again a first)
  • The Admirer gave me a lovely card but is beating himself up that he has to work today, despite the fact that he has surprises planned for Saturday and Sunday and we are going out tonight!
  • The Admirer’s parents sent me a card and a Body Shop voucher (I’ve only met them twice) – with the words “I hope that this is a better year for you” inside!

Ach, it’s too early for analysing .. that’s just the way it is at 8.30 in the morning when you are hungover and feeling crappy!

Oh, and Book of Face sent me birthday wishes .. which was sweet too! 😀

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